It is a beautiful life here; some days it just gets the better of me. Nothing in particular went amiss. It was just a day that I felt tired of struggling and like tasks were too huge for me. I felt angry that I couldn’t do it anymore. I went out to the sheep in the morning and stared at them, half of them were on the wrong side of the fence. I surrendered and left them where they were. I don’t have to fix every thing in one day.
I headed out to whack grass on the fence line. It was the last thing I wanted to do but I didn’t know what else to do with myself. I freaked the dogs out with my morning tantrum so I didn’t want to be around them and they didn’t want to be around me.
It was already hot outside. I whipped grass until I ran the trimmer out of gas. Sweat was dripping off my nose. God it felt good. I miss going to the gym and working out. I miss a lot of things that are no longer in my life due to where I live.
In my head I’ve been trying to sort out how to change things up for a long time. Pondering the deeper questions of what my goal is, what to do first, where to go. Part of the anger is that I haven’t made any decisions and thus no prominent changes either. I’m playing small, and I know that does not serve me or the world.
It is a glorious life out here, but the challenge, as in any life, is to live it every day.