Pseudo Control

In adopting a lifestyle that is intermingled with nature it becomes more and more apparent that I am not in control of the outcome to any circumstances. That, in fact, no one is.

I’m still trying to catch up on docking tails and castrating lambs. We made another attempt at it this week and spent an afternoon setting up portable panels on pasture a day ahead. The next day it took a couple hours, alternating between great frustration and great ease to get the flock gathered and the first pen full of lambs caught. At which point the sky opened up and poured rain on us.

Moving and penning a flock with young lambs is no easy task and having put so much effort into the start and feeling determined to get more than this done (control the outcome), we waited out the thunderstorm and then continued.

We were working on the second pen of lambs when the rain returned, this time without any sign that it would let up. By now we were soaked, cold and frustrated. Finally in a moment of clear thinking, it occurred to us that holding the ewes and lambs while it poured on all of us, because we insisted on a particular outcome (i.e. the job getting done) seemed ridiculous. We would do more harm than good to hold them here and stress them. Best to let them, and us, head for shelter. We hardly made a dint in processing the lambs but we opened the gate, released all the animals and let our mornings hard work go for naught.

On another stream, by opening up the idea to share this place and have it become more than one person can realize it to be, the lack of control is made apparent in a rather substantial way. It is a scary and exhilarating feeling. The challenge is not imposing my own ideals and need for control but to let the idea grow into what it needs to be for the people who are a part of it.