Loss and Arduous Acceptance

It has been a busy and unsettling week. We have come through a second stretch of miserable weather which swept the rug out from under us. 

When we picked up the tenth dead lamb in the 18th hour of wind, rain and cold I felt the strain of keeping my emotions in check.

I am reaching deeply for an inward voice of encouragement. Just thinking of the numerous lambs that did survive the inclement weather is not working. I need soulful validation that my livelihood, my being, my dream, and my financial status aren't in jeopardy. 

I thought I’d skip writing about the losses altogether; just move on. But somehow I’m drawn to sharing it. Maybe if only to clear it from my ever packed mind so that I really can move on. Maybe to make it known that this is what can happen when raising livestock. 

I cannot control the circumstance of being prey to the weather. Yes, I could switch up my management practices and crowd animals into a building but what lies on the other side of that false sense of control? While I question my choice of operating this way when in the midst of loss, it comes to mind that any other way of operating has complications as well.

I need to accept that things are how they are; to cease my struggle against the circumstances and in turn find the flow again. It just might take me more than a day or two.

2 comments:

  1. I feel your pain. And I do believe writing about it is a good way to deal with it - that's how I cope too. (hugs)

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  2. Thank you Liezel. I know that you understand. :)

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