It has been a busy and unsettling week. We have come through a second stretch of miserable weather which swept the rug out from under us.
When we picked up the tenth dead lamb in the 18th hour of wind, rain and cold I felt the strain of keeping my emotions in check.
I am reaching deeply for an inward voice of encouragement. Just thinking of the numerous lambs that did survive the inclement weather is not working. I need soulful validation that my livelihood, my being, my dream, and my financial status aren't in jeopardy.
I thought I’d skip writing about the losses altogether; just move on. But somehow I’m drawn to sharing it. Maybe if only to clear it from my ever packed mind so that I really can move on. Maybe to make it known that this is what can happen when raising livestock.
I cannot control the circumstance of being prey to the weather. Yes, I could switch up my management practices and crowd animals into a building but what lies on the other side of that false sense of control? While I question my choice of operating this way when in the midst of loss, it comes to mind that any other way of operating has complications as well.
I need to accept that things are how they are; to cease my struggle against the circumstances and in turn find the flow again. It just might take me more than a day or two.